and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
