How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
