Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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