Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
