You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
