He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
