the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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