shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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