Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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