my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
