We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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