He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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