I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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