Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
