Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
