nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
3pm strippers are depressing
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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