My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
