I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
