I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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