I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
