we have pet lesbian snakes
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
