Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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