I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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