I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
