Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
