Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
