She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
