You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
