I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
