If that was your dad, he is hot
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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