I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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