I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
