2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
