Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
