Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
