A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
