oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
