the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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