your thong is hanging out like whoa
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
