We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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