the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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