47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
