My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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