It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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