Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
that is very illegal...i love you.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
