why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
