I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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