so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
