i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
