You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
