Redeem this text for a blowjob
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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